Project Based Learning Ideas to Stave Off Extinction of the Modern American Schoolchild

Project Title: “Ain’t Nothing Worth Paying For That’s Free”
School or Community Problem: As the last holdout against capitalism, public education is contributing nothing to the overall wealth of society. If children are truly our best investments, then why are we not seeing a return?
Project Summary: Free water … free healthcare … free education. Is any of it really worth the cost you aren’t paying? Compare a bottle of Finé filtered through the Volcanic rock of Japan to the free tap water of an average American city … let’s say … I don’t know … Flint, Michigan. Which do you prefer? So why are we not selling bottled education? During this project, students will begin a letter writing campaign to support the privatization of schools. Parental involvement can be generated through all white children being transferred to suburban schools. By further marginalizing city public school systems, the project can garner community support via privately funded public action groups who will gleefully vilify the city schools.  Students can join the political action groups to demand more money be funneled into selective charter schools until the only education worth having is one you paid for. The culminating event will be a ribbon cutting at a highly selective private charter school on the outskirts of town, where buses will not run and the lottery process will ensure only a handful of minority children (used strategically for the ribbon cutting ceremony) are sprinkled in among affluent white students who will pave the way into the future.
Driving Question: How can we, as school children, help rich white men make money off of us?
Key Knowledge or Understanding: Finance, Persuasive Writing, Government
Success Skills: Consumerism, Submission, Socially Accepted Segregation
Entry Event: A town hall meeting where an actor pretending to be an education industry guru (funding made available by wealthy white men from a different part of the state) carnival barks a group of concerned parents into believing their school is failing.


Project Title: “Is That a Pencil In Your Pocket?”
School or Community Problem: Teachers are struggling to find second jobs which pay enough to purchase proper school supplies.
Project Summary: If we’ve learned anything from dress code violations, it’s that boys can’t get enough of butts. How can we expect to keep boys’ eyes off of those butts when we have just now started keeping their grabby, horny little hands off of them? But instead of seeing problems on every yoga pants coated butt, maybe it’s high time we started seeing some prime advertising real estate. Before sending girls to change out of highly distracting clothing, this project will direct them to first post on Instagram holding specific brands of school supplies. Since everyone knows boys can’t help but be distracted and sex crazed by the female form in tight pants, the following will grow. With increased following, suppliers will send free samples for free advertising. Win-win. In fact, win-win-win, because what girl wouldn’t want to gain Instagram notoriety? (I mean, come on … what’s the reason they wore such revealing clothing in the first place? Hello. Attention.)
Driving Question: How can we, as school children, use our bodies to help teachers buy pencils?
Key Knowledge and Understanding: Photography, Marketing
Success Skills: Instagram, Sexualizing Female Bodies, Resourcefulness
Entry Event: This is the obvious time for a bikini car wash to raise money for a new copier. If enough money comes in, a single text book can also be purchased (photocopies to be run on the new copier).


Project Title: “The Second of Amendments, But First In Our Hearts”
School or Community Problem: They out here trying to take our guns.
Project Summary: There are approximately 265 million guns in America. There are just under 100,000 public schools in America. We, as a nation, are getting dangerously close to a gun-to-school ratio of 2500:1. If those numbers don’t make you hug your gun a little tighter tonight, I’m not sure what will. But we know one truth to be self evident: we will have another school shooting. Therefore, this project aims to help prepare school children to die in numbers alarming enough to be used as a pawn in a very important grown-up debate, BUT not in numbers high enough to sway logic to the “wrong side.” If possible, the project will encourage support from administration and local law enforcement by creating helpful pamphlets of possible reasons for the school shooting other than the semi-automatic firearm in the hands of a mentally unstable peer (i.e., number of exits and entrances, violent video games, use of distraction words like abortion and troubled youth).
Driving Question: How can we, as school children, die at a rate just alarming enough to keep the debate alive but not alarming enough for any action to be taken to fix the problem?
Key Knowledge or Understanding: American Political Values
Success Skills: Dodging, Hiding, Cowering, Crying
Entry Event: The inevitable next school shooting. Or the next one. Or the next one. Or the next one. Or the next one. Or the next one. Or the next one. Or the next one. Or the next one.