Most people who have read my debut novel, Juggling Kittens, will mention one character straightaway. The Drew. Without fail, he has been the favorite character of anyone who has talked to me about the book. And that's cool. You know ... Ellis ... the protagonist ... he's, um ... he's cool too, though, right? I mean, he is a little bit based on me, kinda, but, you know what? Never mind. Not what we're here to talk about. It's cool. The Drew. Everybody loves The Drew. I get it. Well, here's your chance. Ever read those Choose Your Own Adventure books when you were a kid? Good. Buckle up, bitches, because ....
You Are Partners With The Drew
You've shown quite a bit of promise as a seventh grade Arkansas history teacher. Internally, you know this means you haven't accomplished much beyond displaying an ability to read faster than thirteen-year-olds. But you have enjoyed making connections with the kids, and, setting aside humility for a moment, your project on Indian ancestry was pretty badass. Either way, the district's central office has taken notice. They have invited you to join an Aspiring Administrators cohort of teacher leaders who show a propensity to become future campus principals. As sort of an initiation to the cohort, you've been invited to shadow the administrator on your campus.
You walk into Principal Andrews' office and take in your surroundings. The room looks and smells like an Old Spice commercial. On one end of his desk are a disheveled pile of papers, which apparently have something to do with fantasy baseball. At the other end of the desk sits a fake (you hope) grenade with a tag hanging off displaying the numeral one. Below it, a tiny plaque reads, "Take a Number." You scan the walls to find one of those singing big mouthed bass, a poster of a mountain climber with a quote from Bo Jackson on it, a framed diploma from a college of which you have never heard, and another framed document. Stepping closer, you discover your principal is also a licensed private investigator.
Principal Andrews walks in as you are examining the private investigator license. He claps loudly and you jump. "Never met a real Private Eye, have you, rookie?" He jerks a thumb at himself and uses the coach's whistle hanging around his neck to blow out a little wolf whistle.
"Principal Andrews," you begin.
He frowns and blows the whistle shrilly. "Ahhh. Foul on the play, Rook." Dropping the whistle, and pointing at his face with both index fingers he drawls out, "The Drew." He pats a plush leather chair in front of his desk. "Now, have a seat. Let's talk shop."
Turning away from the sight of The Drew walking around his desk in his too short coaching shorts, you twist into a chair and smile. "The district office said I should shadow you today."
The Drew pushes his tongue into the side of his mouth, nodding and grinning mischievously. "Oh, I know. The only question is, what do you want to shadow?" He points to his diploma, "The man." He nods toward the private investigator's license, "Or the legend."
Do you ... ?